Why are you even online dating, if you’re going to negate the primary advantage it has: of filtering out things you don’t want?
To the OP, and other women in NY and similar areas struggling to find dates, it may pay off to relocate to a region with a surplus of single men. posted by 6550 at PM on [2 favorites]
Men are pathetically shallow, even the ones who don’t admit it. If things are going well after a couple of conversations/dates, bring it up as a joke. Don’t worry: that’s not really his boat that he’s standing next to, and he probably doesn’t really like to cuddle. If its that big of a deal for him, then he’s probably not worth the effort. posted by RandlePatrickMcMurphy at AM on [1 favorite]
I don’t think that’s a constructive argument. Being concerned about honesty, even for small things, isn’t shallow, and deflecting it as “men are shallow anyway, so I have to play their game" isn’t a mature way of handling it, IMO. Be honest with yourself and potential partners, and don’t justify a lie with prejudice. posted by floomp at AM on [8 favorites]
Based on my experience, women lying about their age on dating sites is common, perhaps the norm
This. is such a spectacularly bad idea, bolstered by even worse suggestions (post outdated photos of yourself! Admit that you’re lying but insist you’re a special snowflake so it’s ok!), I kind of want to use this thread as an explanation for why online dating sucks: everyone is lying to each other about everything.
Please just believe me when I tell you this isn’t going to be the start of some cute story you get to tell all your friends about how you met your husband. It’s going to be the start of how you waste the next 3 months of your life on first dates.
This is real life, not a romantic comedy. It’s hard enough as it is; the least we can do is agree to be decent to each other and not lie. posted by danny the boy at AM on [11 favorites]
The “quelle horreur" reaction you’re getting here is because most Mefites are deontological. They’re telling you not to lie about your age because humans have an ethical duty not to lie.
Whereas I look at things as a consequentialist: will it create a better outcome, and lead to more happiness for all parties concerned, when all the consequences are considered? In this case, I think it’s pretty clear that rounding down your age a little is going to increase your personal chances of long-term happiness, not diminish them. That’s assuming you fess up to your potential partner about your real age after meeting them or in your early exchanges (so there’s no risk of actually beginning a relationship on false premises). Yes, perhaps admitting to your lie will mean you lose someone who would otherwise have been the love of your life; but I think the risk of that is worth running, in return for being exposed to a much broader pool of eligible men who are (unfairly) ruling out women of your age. posted by dontjumplarry at 1:03 AM on [3 favorites]
Based on conversations with women I met men seem to lie about their income, and https://getbride.org/no/islandske-kvinner/ both sexes seem to lie about their physical condition. Lets face it, if we were that much of a catch we’d already have plenty of options.